Today I just need to vent!!!! But!.....if you know anyone who suffers from Fibromyalgia, whether it is a friend, family, or even a co-worker I would ask that you continue reading.
Anyone who suffers from ANY silent illness or disease will tell you that society, your peers, co-workers and yes, sometimes your even your family can cause you the worst kind of pain- Not being able to understand.
Just because I don't look sick does not mean I feel fine...or even ok.
There are probably dozens of ways to compare "what you see may not be what you get" but think of it like the duck on the water. Above the water the duck appears to glide smoothly with little effort, but underneath the feet are paddling like crazy.
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| If I told you I'm an 8 would you believe me? |
Some days you look good...make-up went on well...hair...eh- not too bad...and your clothes are your most comfortable outfit. This is one of the "good days"...Duck on top of the water to everybody else.
What everyone doesn't know is that your pain level is still top of the chart and your eating meds like M&Ms. Your body feels like it been thru a mid-evil torture chamber and parts are still stuck in them, you don't concentrate well and keep get off task, and you just feel like going home to never be seen again!...this is the feet paddling like crazy part. And this was a good day remember?
People don't understand why you don't come to all your kids basketball games....
If you sat on a flat metal piece of steel without moving scrunched up and hunched over (sweating, I might add) every second feeling like you couldn't take the pain and would just jump up and run away-but you can't, and lets say you had to do this for 12 hrs....... What do you think would hurt? Your butt? Yes. Your back? Yes. Your legs? Yes. Your neck? Yes.
But it's only a 30 min to an hour ball-game you say? Well, for me, that pain that takes a normal person hours to start feeling I feel 2 minutes after sittting down. Then I suffer thru the rest of it because of good 'ole peer pressure.
Yes, I could get up and walk a minute and then sit back down, but that raises eyebrows too....what is she on?
Yes I could bring my own folding chair....I'm 39....I don't want to act like 79. Oh, did you factor in it was a work day for me and I already just want to kill myself? Nope, didn't think so.
Oh, but you have an office job! ???? Really????? That's actually just as bad as a physically demanding job because you muscles don't get any exercise.
You hurt because you exercise and you hurt because you don't exercise...it's a win, win!!!
There's a lock-in at school and they wonder why you need to leave by 9:30 preferably, but will settle for 10:30 if need be.
What?, do you need to take your medicine or something?....actually, YES, I do!
And, if I don't take it the same time every night it really screws me up. Also, my body is so used to taking the medicine that if I'm up doing something late like that I start to have excruciating pain just walking.
If I get to that point, being PC just isn't on my list and neither is leaving you stranded. I tell my husband I need to leave and God Love Him, he get's me outta there!!!
You see me walk in to work (late) and you think I'm just slow or lazy.....but you don't know how much effort it takes to get ready EVERYDAY....
Some compare morning pain to how sore you are the day after having the flu. That's a good comparison but I like to compare it to the next morning after some really long physical activity that you had never done like....I dunno....dig a train tunnel through a mountain with your bare hands, scooping up the dirt pile'n it up and pushing it out in a wheel-barrow! I know, it sounds extreme...but how do you explain all over pain, soreness, stiffness, burning and muscle tension that you have from doing NOTHING! Heaven forbid you DO something that makes it worse...like clean the house, paint a wall or give the dog a bath.
If you miss a day of work people ask you if you feel better the next day....
The standard acceptable answer is "Yes, or Much better". :)
What you really want to say is "No, not really, I was just better at forcing myself to get ready and get in the car today, but thanks for asking":)
That doesn't get a good reaction...I've actually tried it....people think you're being your usual funny self.
Most people have their own problems so they don't want to hear yours, and that's perfectly understandable. I certainly do not think I am the only one who has pain or suffers a daily struggle of some sorts.
I realize it could be worse and I'm thankful that it is not. My best friend has MS. My Dad passed away at 56. I lost a dear friend to cancer. I have friend with diabetes. We have friends who have lost children in a car crash. Our niece's baby girl lived for only hours before she went to be with Jesus.
So, yes, things could be worse and I try to keep that in mind. But, sometimes you just get TIRED.
Tired of all the pain. Tired of the stress. Tired of telling your kids "Not today guys, maybe tomorrow". Tired of your husband and kids doing pretty much ALL the house work. Tired of what people think. Tired of explaining. Tired of lie'n...cause that's what it really is when you say "I'm fine", it's a lie....to yourself!
A silence inside of you screaming....and you muffle it.
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| I am an 8. I don't care if you believe me! **pats self on back** |
If you want to learn more about Fibromyalgia or if you need support try one of these sites.
http://www.fibrohaven.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fibromyalgia-Awareness/97374519828
http://www.facebook.com/Fibro360
If you read this far, God Bless You! and thanks for listening to me vent :)
SuzyQ
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