Ode de toilette

Are you a germ-a-phobe??? If so, this blogs for you!

LOL, maybe not. BUT, it will make you thank yer lucky stars that yer littl'ns are NOT like mine were! 

IF you can completely identify with this blog....well then, I feel your pain :/

Oh, how sweet those chubby little toddlers are- when they are NOT terrorizing your world. However, now that my boys are older I can look back on those days and laugh. And tell stories like this...

I always tried to eliminate all hazards because you couldn't leave ANY of our boys- when they were that age, alone for two seconds without DISASTER STRIKING! 

I generally spent evenings and weekends following them around cleaning up something, repairing something broken, or throwing something out because it was shot! While performing one of those tasks is when the little devil would no doubt get into something else!

Our second son was about 2yrs old and had definitely been into everything imaginable, and I'm sure I was coming back from cleaning up something or diverting disaster when I walked into the bathroom just in time to....  well, lets start with what he was doing to give you the whole picture... 

Mr Thomas ( Thomas is his middle name- there's a theme if you've been reading my blog) had gotten into the bathroom- left open obviously because I was potty-training him- and had found the toilet brush. 

Now, of course he had watched Mommy clean the toilet at some point so we'll give him points for simulating house-hold cleaning.

He had definitely swirled the brush repeatedly in the bowl. I know this due to the amount of water NOT in the toilet, but ON THE WALL!!! Oh yes... Mr Thomas had been dipping the brush in, then raising it up above his head and flinging it around the room! Water was running down the walls and pooling on the floor! BLAAAAH....

You may run away screaming now....it get's worse.

So, imagine all that I have just told ya.... Now, I walk into the bathroom just in time for his finish swing of the brush above his head and he brings it down and gives it a good LICK!! Just like a giant lollipop...a giant lollipop of DISEASE!! Awwwwwh SICK! 

Let me tell ya people....I fought the overwhelming desire to make him swish with bleach!

This aint me, but it could be my sons' future mother-in-law!

That's not my only diseased toilet water story- wish it were...

Mr Riley was about the same age... Remember, he's the baby- our last child :) Ya know, the one that by the time he arrives you've perty much seen it all!

Mr Riley's bath time included lots of toys and a cup that I used to rinse his hair after I warshed it.( yes, here in Booger County "warshed" is a real word- it means having been washed :) 

He liked the cup the best, of course, cause it's the cheapest! I was always getting on to him for using it to drink the bathwater! "No no, yucky!" I'd say, but he'd just laugh. 

One day I hear a pouring sound coming from the bathroom and do a quick count...yep, missing one, guess who!?

I go running into the bathroom and see Mr Riley with his cup, and he's drinking out of it as he stands in front of the toilet!   Yes, I checked...he had dipped it into the toilet bowl and "Gllllub Glub" was going to town on it!

Uuugghhh..... Well, after everything else the boy had ate I don't think I was really that surprised. Sickened, but not surprised.

I told the story to the Pediatrician and his reply was- "It was the toilet in your house right?" 

Me.."yes"

Dr..."well then it was familiar germs so I wouldn't worry about it" "if it had been at a hotel or store you might have something to worry about"......

and you think I'm lax.....

SuzyQ

Mr Riley's Bottle of Aged Irish "Charms"...:)

 So I ran into the mother of my 3rd graders teacher. She was laughing about something my son had said to her daughter- go figure! The teacher, (we'll call her Mrs K) had asked Mr Riley (my son, that's his middle name- we use it Often!) when he was gonna learn to tie his shoes because he still wears velcro shoes, and what he was gonna do when he got older?? To which he responded... "IT'S OKAY, MY WIFE WILL TIE MY SHOES"!!!!
...apparently Mrs. K is figureing out the full scope of Mr Riley's humor- you really have to know him to appreciate it!  It's part sarcasm, part "has no clue"!

Ya see, we were told last year he has a high IQ...we pre
tty much guessed that early on.
No, he didn't come out reading or playing a musical instrument but when he was 2yrs old we got our first glimpse at his learning capacity.
I had just watched a documentary on the volcanic eruption of Krakatoa- Mr Riley was playing in the floor, NOT paying attention, NOT watching either but something stuck! The very next day my mother and I were driving to a doctor appointment, going up a steep hill on the highway and you could see the neighboring mountain off in the distance. A perfectly peeked "Knob" as we call them here.
From the backseat strapped in a car seat, we hear a shout!
"KRAKATOA!!"
I looked in the rear-view mirror to see his chubby little fingers pointing at the mountain and relized to him it looked like a volcano! Ok, so that was funny, AND weird but he started early with big words so it wasn't that surprising. My mom and I like'd to run off the road we were laughing so hard...that's after I explained to her what Krakatoa was :)

My husband and I disagree as to who's gene pool contributed the most to the conglomeration that is Mr Riley- of course when he says something really smart I quickly claim that for my family! SCORE!!! Point 1 for the Irish!! :)y
And when he does something, like what you will read below....naturally, I tell my husband, that's AAALLLLL you baby- rite ther! :0

I have a little plastic bottle I keep. I'm saving it....for his wedding day....aawwhhh you say?    Wait for it.....
I call it "Mr Riley's Bottle of Aged Irish Charms" and I'm gonna give it to his wife, AFTER the ceremony...and say "He's all yours now! Good luck with the children!"
Does it seem like I have that all too well planned out??? Ya, well I've been planning this since he was THREE!!!
In his first 5yrs of life, this sweet, chubby, happy child terrorized mine!!!

Not long after he started crawling we found a nickel in his diaper. No, he didn't drop it down there. I seen it STICKING out of his poop! So, after we freaked out we washed the nickel- in bleach! Turns out, when you pass coin through your intestine it changes from silver to all sort of perty colors!
And so began the saving of the items.
Over that next few weeks he churned out 17cents, several plastic craft beads, and fake Styrofoam berries off my fake greenery (cuz I kill real plants!)
Fun Fact: the body can "pass" large items like coins even in babies. The real worry is it getting caught between the mouth and stomach! At least that's what the pediatrician told us when we drug Mr Riley in for an X-ray to see what else might be lurking with-in....

When he was probably 4yrs old he came down stairs after bedtime crying and holding his nose.
He was FRANTIC! We were FRANTIC, mainly because between all the crying and slobbering we could only make out- "I can't get it out!"
We tore the house apart to find a tiny flashlight I had been given at work that was really bright. When we finally found the light we laid him down on the floor and tilted his head back. All I could see was something white. "What did you stick up your nose!!" We kept asking but in all the turmoil, tears, screaming, writhing around on the floor, and his poor ability to explain the item I determined we just need to try to get it out!
So I got the smallest tweezers I could find and had my husband hold him still. The tweezers grasp the tip of the tiny white object and out of his tiny nose I pulled out- what seemed to be LARGE at the time...a white peg... out of our "You Sunk My Battleship" game!!!!
"In the name of all that is holy!, why did you shove that up your nose???" He responded with, "I dunno, to see if it would fit?"
Uugghhh....Welp, into the bottle it goes


It's starting to sound like a maraca now...


Last fall we had to take Mr. Riley to the Orthopedic surgeon to have a BB pellet removed from his big toe- (story for another blog), sadly, I must report that due to HIPPA laws we were unable to retain that object for the bottle.
And that's some more of my Booger County life...til next time folks :)

SuzyQ